Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Needing More

I married young, 18 years old, wanting nothing more than a husband and kids. College for me was not even in the picture. At that age you really don't understand what it takes to survive. I just knew that I loved my husband and wanted to be with him always. Right away we decided to start our family. I do not in anyway regret this. I wouldn't advise anyone else to do it this way, but this was how it happened for us. Brady, and I have been married for a little over 8 years now and I've been feeling a little out of sorts for awhile. Our children are now 7 and 3 and don't need me as much as they used to. Kayleigh, will be statrting pre-school this year (I think) and, Dalton, will be going into second grade.
Lately, ok for awhile now, I have been feeling empty, found myself wanting more and feel like I'm living a life with no direction.Most of the time I question my existance. I know I'm here to be Dalton and Kayleighs mommy.And I'm here to be Brady's partner BUT isn't there more?Don't I need to do more? I stay at home day in and day out taking care of the house, doing laundry,cooking etc etc. I'M READY FOR MORE! There are so many things that I want for myself and my family. I have been a stay at home mom/ wife for 8 years now and frankly to tell you the truth I'm just tired of it. I have an amazing husband that gives me everything I want and need. I couldn't ask for bettter, BUT I can give them better. I love my children and my husband, but find myself needing and wanting more. Most of the people around me are doing something with their life or at least trying. I know, most people say being a mom is the greatest job in the world. I agree in some ways and in others I totally disagree. I feel like myself, my husband and my kids are lacking because of my not working. I've worked before but nothing has really ever worked out to be what I WANTED. I have always wanted to go to school and get a degree. I want a good paying job and I want to relieve my husband of some of the pressure that he feels to take care of us. It's a big job that he has and even bigger because of the profession that he has chosen. We have never wanted for anything but we both find ourselves always wanting better and wanting more. I see nothing wrong with that as long as we work hard to get the things that we want. I've said, "Oh, I'm going to college." and have never followed through with it. I've been so scared that "I can't do this" and I have let that fear overtake and really control my life. This time I am serious. I have never been more serious in all of my life. I know that God will give me the stength and the courage to do what I need to do for myself and my family. Yesterday, I filled out my fafsa and an online application to UAM. I am going to take my asset test March 3rd and from there I will have to talk to someone to see what the next steps to take would be. Please keep me in your prayers. Pray that God guides and leads me in the way that HE wants me to go. I only want this if it's GODS will for my life.

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."(Psalm 37:4)
…He has our best interest at heart…He is always with us…He never fails us…Delight yourself in the Lord…He will lead you…He will guide you…He will direct you…He will enlightened you…"In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths."(Prov.3:6)…If you are looking for direction in your life…acknowledge Him…He gives good counsel…God is our delight…He loves us…He protects us…If you are going through a rough place…call on Him…don't aimlessly seek direction…call on Him…don't dwell on hurts…dwell on the all encompassing power of God…choose to be happy…make it a definite choice…dwell on His provision…dwell on His help…dwell on His promises…delight yourself in Him…Let these thoughts sink into your being…remember He is on our side…rejoice…we can not lose..He sees us through…When you feel a wave of despair approaching…call on Him…He will lift you up…whenever you are afraid…put your trust in Him…Jesus is able to turn things around…He tells us over and over again in His word to fear not…He tells us He is with us…He tells us the enemy can't triumph over us…God is our defense…Trust God with your life…watch what He is doing in your life…You will cry as the psalmist did in Psalm66:5 "Come and see the works of God,He is awesome in His doing towards the sons of men."…Nothing is to hard for the Lord…His power is truly awesome…Amen


Shelley said...

praying for you...

aframeintime said...

I pray you find what you need and don't let fear hold you back!